Chocolate! And Pepsi! And… and nothing…

You’re down… You’re so sad… For so many reasons. And you know, you know, that it won’t get better. Not any time soon anyway. And it makes you feel even worse. It makes you even more sad. It’s ripping you apart and you just can’t take how sad you are. You are basically losing yourself.

That’s how I feel at the moment. Lost, cast away from society. Like I don’t matter.

This is not at all like me, I’m a happy and positive person. But even a happy and positive person can fall down so far that getting up again feel like an impossible task.

So there’s the chocolate. And the pepsi. Both are so good at helping you calm down. You feel a bit better. You relax. You even smile. And it can be a pretty big smile!

But then what? What happens after?

You’re sad again. You’re back down in your hole. And you’re feeling worse than you did before. And then, you just keep spiraling down. Out of control. Down, down and further down.

Then, at some point, you stop and you think. What are you doing? Why are you making things harder for yourself? Will that chocolate really make things better? Will that can of divine Pepsi really make things better for you? In the long run, I mean.
Will it really help you?

What have I done? Why am I doing this? Why did I think this was a good idea, or even worth it?

What can all that sugar really do for me? Nothing! Not a damn thing… in the long run.
Actually, on that point I’m wrong. It does do something in the long run. It ruins me, physically. It’s really not good for me.
But it feel so good! But it’s only for a moment…

No. I can’t do this. I need to stop and get out of this spiral before it gets really bad!

It’s sadness, not depression, so I can do it on my own. But I need a plan… (I like having plans!)

Firstly, the source to me being sad?
My horrible backpain (since my injury may 26th), me being 1 paycheck away from nothig, me being so absolutely lonely all the time with no one to talk to, me having close to no money as it is.

I know these can be seen as stupid reasons to be sad. But you know what, if it’s hurting, it’s hurting. That’s just the way it is!

I have about a million notebooks, soΒ why not use one to write out a really good plan for me to use to get back on my feet (as well as I can)?

I’ll keep you posted on how it goes πŸ™‚

(If you have any questions, don’t be afraid to ask. If you want to write something and keep it private, just say so in the comment and I won’t publish it.)

❀

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