Can you guess where I am? Hint, there are pillows. Oh you got it, I’m in bed 🙂
Something has happened that drained all my energi (yes, my POTS does not react well to certain things, such as stress). Fortunately, I had already decided to have a rest day today. Not because my neck is getting better, but because each and every muscle in my body is sore from physical therapy!! Oh sweet someone I can hardly even laugh…
Before going to bed, I packed my gym clothes for tomorrow. I even chose a shirt that’s a bit tight. Due to healthreasons, I have gained 17kg… And this is killing me mentally. Not the fact that I’ve gained weight, but the fact that I have NOT EATEN in a way that could cause it… I’m hoping that now, while I’m between jobs, I can focus fully on my health and lose that weight (and an additional 10kg). What’s the point of me telling you this? The shirt I chose, was a pretty big deal for me. I love myself, but I’m always so sure people are looking (aren’t we all?). But now I just thought “f*ck it, this one is so comfortable!” and grabbed it!
Now here comes a bit TMI for some, but I have pretty big boobs, H-cup. And they’re “weightloss boobs” = not even close to the “ideal” look. At my last gym, there were quite a few people who liked to point and laugh at every body that didn’t fit the so-called ideal body. I hated it there, and left without even finding a new gym. I didn’t want to set foot at one. THAT’S how bad I felt. I felt ugly, fat, discusting, and just completely worthless…
Now… Now I go to Nordic Wellness at Emporia/Hyllie. I started there just over a year ago (after learning to love myself again). It’s so different here! Not once have I been laughed at in the shower because of how I look. Not once have someone looked funny at me for being a bit bigger. Not once. So now I shower and dress without a care. And I pick that shirt, the one that’s a bit tight.
And here I am. In bed, happy with myself. Happy over what I chose for myself. Happy that I feel this good at the gym.
But most important of all, I’m happy because I get to go to sleep now!