she couldn’t get enough :)

My POTS has been letting me know I’m alive these days… Since we turned back our clocks (dayligt saving) my body has not been well. I was already struggling with getting my body out of bed in the mornings. Now, it’s been close to impossible. Since the clock has been set back an hour, we basically get up an hour earlier. That is NOT something my body wants to accept. I have been forced to up my dosage on my medicin, Mestinon, and I’m hoping for the best. It helped, then the clocks… Let’s just say I have high hopes!

Forcing myself out of bed isn’t the only thing I do, I also force myself out on walks. I have to. And now that spring is REALLY here, it’s a bit nicer to go outside 🙂

Today, I was way too tired to go, but… I did it 🙂

Malmö Idrottsplats (Malmö IP) is whre FC Rosengård’s playing. They have some of the best female footballplayers in the world!

I had some chocolate today (it’s friday!) and I really shouldn’t have. I don’t at it much anymore, abd since I’v cut down on it, it affects my POTS even worse. I had to take an extra Procoralan because my pulse was way too high. That is NOT fun. And you know what, the less chocolate I eat, the worse I taste.
BUT! If I DO eat chocolate this is what I eat, milk chocolate from Marabou. A girl I once knew in the US asked me to send her some more after she had been visting Sweden, she couldn’t get enough 🙂

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craving for sugar, from hell

Today has been both a really long day and a very short one. Odd how that works…

When I was at the store buying fruit and veggies for the office I realy wanted something sweet. And after aying I got a horrible headache and decided to go back and buy a Coca Cola Zero. I LOVE pepsi, so I didn’t want to buy a diet Pepsi because I would just go “ooh I want the real thing” or something. But I’m not too fond of Coca Cola, so that felt like a good idea. And it was.
Until I got a craving for sugar, FROM HELL!!! That was new for me, I’ve never had that horrible cravings for. And I usually crave a specfic thing, not “anything with sugar”. But then two different people said they Always get that after drinkin Coca Cola Light and Coca Cola Zero.
But I made it 🙂
I bought strawberries and took a banana as well, so that was good.

After work I was extremely hungry and since I was supposed to go for a wlk straight after gettng home I wanted to eat something. That soething was a turkey sub at Subway. Not my favourite place, but it was better than last time 🙂
Then after standing in the wind for 30 minutes due to bus chaos, we freezingly decided that we needed to stay indoors for the remainder of the day… I’m still cold, and I’ve been home for a little over an hour!

On a brighter note, my tomatoes are getting bigger. I mean the plants!

It looked as if 2 of the cayenne peppers might be showing themselves soon as well 🙂 So yay on that!

Now, I’m going to sit back, have some water, and read until it’s time for food!

Wookiecookiesjar

How to lessen that irritating craving.

I wish there was a universal answer to that one, I really do 🙂
I didn’t stop with everything, I ate less and less and less every time. I have decided on the following:
Monday – friday I eat good and healthy food and drink water/Ramlösa.
On Saturday I get something small after my long walk.
On Sunday I get a soda while out walking.

During the evening, when you really feel like your mouth is ready to do you in if it soesn’ get anything sweet, I have “cinnamonbun tea”! It.. is.. SO GOOD! No sugar and no caffeine. Brilliant! IF I want to, I’ll have a small cookie from the wookiecookies jar (only one).

The cravings still come, but they’re not as bad as before. For me, my long walks help with that too. I’m not very hungry after being out for a longer time. My POTS is a bit funny there, the more things I do (physically) the less I can actually eat. Just can’t get more than a few bites down. A bit odd really 🙂

 

Let’s talk about weightloss

Let’s talk about weightloss. Again. I’m not getting tired of it.

“Why do you want to lose weight? Do you really think people will like you better?”
“Why can’t you just be happy about yourself?”
“Do you really think you will look like the women in magazines?”
“What, you think more people will follow you on instagram if you get skinny?”

Have you heard those? Or questions like those? Or have you perhaps said them?

Do let me answer them!

Why do I want to lose weight?
My back is hurting. My knees hurt. My hips hurt. Clothes dosn’t fit well. I’m tired most of the time. I’ve started to sweat more. I’ve got skinproblems. My boobs are way too big. I can’t get surgery to ease my neckpain until I lose at least 10kg (aprox. 20lbs).
Reasons enough?
Do I think people will like me better?
Such an incredible stupid thing to as a person. I really couldn’t care less!

Why can’t I just be happy about myself?
Oh wow, people can read minds now? Who said I’m not happy with myself? Losing weight doesn’t mean I don’t like myself. It has nothing to o with that. At all. I love myself! And you know what? I will still love myself 20kg from now!

Do I really think I will look like the women in magazines?
I feel so sorry for people who ask this. Do they not know that the women in magazines doesn’t even look like the women in magazines?
Why would I want to look like someone else? I am me and I love me and I want to stay me. I want to look like ME.

Do I really think I will get more followers on instagram if I get skinny?
Oh right… I forgot that ones entire life should center around instagram…. If you don’t have loads of followers, then what’s the point of anything??? I “only” have about 270 followers? Oh the horror… THE HORROR!!!!

I don’t understand how people can think that what I do with my own body is any of their business.. And why would it have to do with what others think of me? Or how others see me? Why can’t it be about how my body is doing? Or about how I fel about myself, for MY sake? Why isn’t MY body MY business? Oh wait… it is!

Have you thought about ho people that are overweight are getting a lot of hate for it? And if they go to the gym, they get hate for it? And when sportswear suddenly exist in larger sizes, it gets hate? I mean… It’s wrong to be overweight and it’s wrong to do something about it? Oh, but don’t forget to eat that extra cheeseburger if you’re skinny! And don’t get too skinny, do you hear me! And don’t lose that lovely “babyfat” around your tummy that people love to hate you for and…. It would seem that no matter what we do with our bodies, there’s someone standing ready to tell us exactly what’s wrong with us and how we need to listen to just that person to be happy!

You know what’s even better to do?
Listen to yourself.
How do I feel about myself?
How does my body feel?
Is there anything I would like to do for myself?
Do I have a life that I like?
There are so many questions about your own wellbeing, that only you can answer.

all in all, things are looking up

I’ve had a rough couple of days now. I’ve been too tired to do anything and to write anything.

A couple of days ago I went to Copenhagen Zoo to recharge. To just relax, walk around, take it easy, and just enjoy the day. It really did wonders for my mood, but sadly my POTS was not as happy. I’m extremely tired again and I sleep more than I did before. But this is all a work in progress, it will take time, thats just how it is.

But on theother side, I see changes for the better with my weight and around my waist and tummy. It’s all going down. That’s the first sign of the fact that my body is starting to heal! Last week I lost 0,3kg (just under 1lb) so that’s good 🙂

I’m starting physical therapy again this week, about time too!
I do physical therapy x 2.
First, I do cardio on orders/recomendations from my cardiologist.
Then, I do strenght training for my back, neck and shoulders. My left shoulder is in such bad shape right now that I can hardly move it at all!!

So I guess, all in all, things are looking up 🙂

I want nothing more than to eat or drink whatever

I am beyond tired today. I woke up at 6am and my neck, shoulderblades and head were all hurting so bad I could hardly see. Everthing was just a big blurr from pain.
I got an appointment with the chiropractor at 13.30 and he did some wonders, but I need to go back on Wednesday to take care of the rest. I’ve been crying all day from pain, and THAT is NOT something I usually do…

But nothing bad without anything good – I’ve been in such pain I have hardly notized my POTS. Don’t really know if I should laugh or cry about that one 🙂

I had some help making dinner today:

And I’ve had lots and lots of water too. But still too little – yo, the potsie lifestyle bruh! (I am seriously laughing like crazy over writing that.. too much TV… 🙂 )

Health today:
Every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday I go to the store for he office. I buy fruit, veggies, milk and things for our Friday breakfast. The line to paying is right next o the sweets/candy. Thank you? But I bought nothing today. Oh believe me I wanted to!! When I’m in this much pain I really, REALLY want something. Pepsi. But I’m not supposed to drink that since I ave sinustachycardia. The caffein in it isn’t that much, but it’s too muc for me. Every now and then, fine, but not all the time and not every week.
Me – “nah, I need to do this first, just 10 more minutes.” And then I was out of the store and on my way back to the office and tadaa, nothing unhealthy around to buy 🙂 That felt pretty good 🙂

When I do my “just 10 more minutes” I want nothing more than to eat or drink whatever. But I’ve learnt that I don’t remember that after those 10 minutes. I just go on to the next thing, and a few hours can easily go by Before I remember I wanted a treat. Thank you brain for tempting me with things I obviously don’t want!

It’s only 19.15 here, but I’m gonna go to bed now. I didn’t get much sleep last night and right now I really don’t feel too well. I’ve been in horrible pain since Saturday at noon, so no wonder.

(My spelling has been way off today, I’ve corrected so much now, but I’m just too tired, so if I’ve missed some, I really couldn’t care less right now!)

new week = new goals

So it’s the last post of the week, let’s make it a potsie post, ok?

This weekend, every year, SciFi World Sweden hold a convention 10 minutes from where I live. Last year, Amanda Tapping was here. Ths year it was Michael Shanks, Lance Henriksen and Kim Coats that I wanted to meet. But both years I had to stay home. I LOVE Stargate SG1, I LOVE the Alien and Predator Movies and I LOVE everything by Paul Anderson (Kim Coats was in Resident Evil). David Ramsey was supposed to be here too, but he had to go be John Diggle (I accept it..).

Both last year, and this year, I had to stay home. I mean, it’s a 10 minute walk and really not expensive to get in either!
But I have POTS and I’m not doing well. The venue where they have the Convention, Stadionmässan, has extremely bad airconditioning. It is super warm there and even my brother (who’s healthy) says it’s way too warm. If I go, I WILL faint! My health will get extremely poor and eventually I will hit the floor. It’s simply dangerous for me. If I had a wheelchair I could manage it in there for a while at least. Hopefully long enough to meet the people I want and to get autographs and/or photos. But I don’t have a wheelchair, so I have no choice but to give up what I want the most…
Last time I was there was 2 yeras ago and I can hardly remember it. I was in really, really bad shape. I just can’t do it. And it makes me sad. It’s no often a situation shows up where I really feel handicapped (apart from stairs, I don’t do stairs).

My brother got me this:

20170305-michael-shanks

Last year, it was Amanda Tapping 🙂 I still hope to be able to go again one day.

Anyway… new week = new goals.

Tomorrow it’s time to start physical therapy again. Cardio for my heart and then strength for my neck/shoulders/shoulderblades/back. I can’t tell you how nervous I am. I don’t know how my POTS will react. I don’t know how I will feel after. I simply don’t know what’s going to happen… So yeah nervous. And, I was supposed to go to slee at 20.00 but it’s now 20.44. I forgot to charge my phone and I kind of need it sine it’s my alarm clock too 🙂 So, hello, still up…

So, goals for the week to come:
– Start my physical therapy again (once this week).
– Go for 2 walks.
– Be very careful of what I eat.

In other news…

Sorry for being MIA for a few days, I’ve been extremely tired – resting and sleeping.

I went to see my cardiologist yesterday. Great meeting, and I got a new medicin, Mestinon. It has to do with nerveimpulses to the muscles, it will make my body less tired. I’m so happy about this, I’m really looking forward to going on my long walks again 🙂 He didn’t have the result of my holter yet, so we’re gonna have to wait and see if there’s anything else to do.

In other news…

Mentally I have divided my livingroom in to 2 spaces. One with the TV and sofa, that’s the noisy part. The other one is with my desk and my books, that’s the quiet part. Two days ago I bought a shelf (Kallax from IKEA) that I’m using as a divider in the room. It’s a bit like 2 rooms in 1 right now. It feels great, and it looks great! I’m gonna post it on instagram tomorrow ( @jeas_wellness ). My dad got the honour of putting everything together, as it was a bit too much for me at the moment.

you need nitroglycerin

I have written about POTS a few times. If you want ton know wht it is, go HERE.
Would you like to know what it’s like to live with it? Keep on reading.

A few things can be recognized:
– You know whe you stand up too fast, everything turns black, and the next thing you know, you’re sitting down again. That happens a lot.

– Your heartrate can go from a nice 60bpm to 180bpm just by standing up.

– You sometimes go to work with a bloodpressure of 85/50.

– You can pass out when standin up. Or when you stand still for too long. When you’re waiting to pay for your food. When you fly. Or when you’ve just eaten. Or when you’re at the gym. Or when it’s summer. Or just pretty much at any time.

– When you stand up to open the door and let people in, both hearing and eyesight goes away. But you know how to walk to get to the door and how to quickly put your hand up for the guest/s to shake. And about mid way into said handshake your eyesight and hearing comes back.

– When you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and when back in bed, you can’t remember if you’ve been to the bathroom or not and has to go again just in case. And then realize you can touch the towel to feel if it’s used or not. And ten do it all over again another night because you never remember these things at night.

– When you have to dress to be a bit cold so your bloodpressure won’t act up.

– When you can’t eat breakfast because you will fall asleep again right after. If you even make it past the second bite.

– When you can’t eat at work because you will get extremely tired/exhausted and will most likely fall asleep.

– When you sometimes need to sleep for ~ 20 hours/day. And then can’t sleep more than maybe 2-3 hours/day after that.

– When you’re working and you have to go over everything you do again and again and again because you know you might not remember it later.

– Always being tired.

– Having a super strict diet.

– Getting chestpains that you need nitroglycerin for.

– Constant headaches.

– Getting dizzyspells at any hour of the day (no stairs for me thank you very much).

– Being really happy about something exhausts you.

I could go on and make this list longer and longer and longer, but I’m really tired and I start an hour earlier than normal tomorrow and I only get 11 hours of sleep if I go to bed right now and I’m pretty sure that’s not enough… And my pulse is at 120 and still going up, so I really need my medication now (I’m sitting dow)… So good night and sleep well!