2 out of 3 were on sale

What… a… day… it’s been a “potsie day” today too, but I’m used to it. I’ve been close to passing out 4 times in 4,5 hours today (3 times at work), but I made it, so yay on that 🙂

I went for a follow up at Citadellkliniken after getting botox around my eyes to open them a bit. I have heavy eyelids and always look pretty tired, and people are pretty quick to tell me so 😦 I like the result. And I have had no headaches since getting the injections!

So today I had a ‘fastlagsbulle’ (or as the “proper” swedes would say, “semla”).
20170228-fastlagsbulle

I’s about the size of my fist. Mine is a bit of a “cheat”, I have vanilla cream under the whipped cream, and it’s supposed to be almond “cream” (it’s super sugary, so no thank you).
We have these on february 28 (but they start to sell them in november/december).
Once, in school, an exchangestudent from Alaska tried it. He said “I can feel my arteries getting clogged up!” Ok, I’ve tried a Twinkie, this right here is NOTHING compared to that!!!

I also tried on new glasses, 2 pairs and sunglasses:
20170228-glasogon-beskuren

2 out of 3 were on sale, pretty good 🙂 I pay a monthly fee, and once/year I can change 1 pair. And everything possible is included. In ~ 10 days they’re miiiine!

Otherwise, I don’t actually have much to talk about today. I don’t remember portions of the day, maybe I would have more to say if I did 😛

I sooo wanted to buy something

Today is a very potsie day. And guess what, I dont really remember that much of it. Yeah… That’s having POTS for ya 🙂

I was at the mall buying fruit and veggies for work (yeah, our office is at the mall). Then I had to go there again, to Another store bacuse the first one was out of bananas. The thing is, I can barely remember any of it.
When I got back o the office the second time, I walked over to a coworker, then I was gonna go to the kitchen with the bananas. But they were gone. Turns out, I had already been in the kitchen… No memory of it. At all! Every now and then during the day, I’ve had to stop and ask myself “wait, when did I do that?”

But I did great at the store, I sooo wanted to buy something, but I was just “nah, just wait ten more minutes” and then I forgot about it 🙂 My goaks for the day was to get a pair of jeans, but they didn’t ahve any I wanted, so. At least I looked 🙂 The other goal was to read a chapter of a book, and I am about to do that now.

I also had my eyesight checked today. Turns out it’s gotten worse and they’re pretty sure it’s because of my medication (to lower my pulse) that’s behind it. I was a bit surprised at that, but apparantly I’m too young to have the poor eyesight that I have. Oh well, what are you going to do? Really expensive glasses that I don’ even know if I can afford yet… I’m gonna have to wait until tomorrow and see if I can get new glasses or not 😦

But right now, I need something salty. Oh, but I don’t have anything…

Goals for tomorrow:
Goal 1 – force myself to rest more than I did today.
Goal 2 – eat a Fastlagsbulle (Iäm gonna have to show you a picture of that).

I can’t be too careful either

A new week, a big challenge.

My POTS is not happy with me. I took 2 slow walks in 2 days. And I do mean SLOW walks! I’ve been flat on my back on my sofa since 11 (it is now 18.00). Since 15.00 I’ve just been out of it. Not really sleeping, but not being awake either, you know? I’ve been breathing super heavy and fast and I’ve been exhausted in a way that I rarely ever am. It’s a bit nerv wrecking since tomorrow is a workday.

I’m working really har don my recovery, and funny enough, working hard = resting 😛 But I can’t just sit around. I need to do something. Going on slow walks is a start. I Think it will be better to go o the gym, the stationary bike. I can lean pretty far back on it, so i’s a bit better for me. I will still take it easy at first, obviously.

I’m thinking:
Week 1 – 2 slow walks (I’m having a pretty difficult week ahead of me).
Week 2 – Going to the gym twice – slowly on the bike both times.
Week 3 – Going to the gym twice – slowly on the bike both times.
Week 4 – Going to the gym 3 times – slowly on the bike at all three times.
Week 5 – Going to the gym 3 times – slowly on the bike at all three times.
Week 6 – Going to the gym 3 times – 30 secods on the crosstrainer, the sowly on the bike (all three times).
Week 7 – Going to the gym 3 times – 30 secods on the crosstrainer, the sowly on the bike (all three times).
And then I’ll just keep adding seconds on the crosstrainer and speed to the bike as I go along.

I have to be very careful so I don’t get worse. But I can’t be too careful either, and not make any progress.

I’va had to pause 4 times while writing this, so I’m gonna say bye for today now, too tired 🙂

Goals of tomorrow:
Goal 1 – read at least one chapter of any book (I’ve been too tried to lately).
Goal 2 – buy a pair of jeans and NOT give up because of size.

I know what to do to look smaller

“You don’t need to lose any weight, you’re already skinny!”

That’s something I hear a lot. And I’d like to talk about this for a minute or so.
Just because someone looks a certain way DOES NOT MEAN people have to comment on it! I have 20kg (44lbs) to lose and I always get to hear that I’m already thin or skinny, and fit, and look great etc. People take one look and they think they know better. People think they have a right to comment and tell me it’s all in my head!

I’m gonna show you something. This is me with a t-shirt, and me with a jumper (I’ve flipped the picture for the text):

20170226-fram-troja-text-at-ratt-hall 20170226-fram-yttertroja-text-at-ratt-hall 20170225-sida-yttertroja

I get it. I get why people think I’m skinny/thin/fit. It DOES NOT MEAN that they get to ignore what  say. I DO HAVE weight to lose, and being told I’m stupid and imagine being overweight IS NOT HELPING ME!

This is me:

20170225-sidan

Not skinny. Not thin. Not fit.

I know how to dress for the body I have (and I have big boobs that make things look smaller while wearing a shirt). I know what to do to look smaller than I am. And when I’m anywhere but home, I hold in that tummy so bad that I’m surprised I don’t have badass abs right now!! I’m seriously nautious after a while from holding it in!

Now, you may think that “well don’t hold it in” or “if you do that then you can’t be irritated with people”. Yes I can! Becuase if I say that “this is how it is” then  that is how it is and IT IS NOT OK to say anything else to me! I know my body better than anyone else. That’s just the way it is!

Oh, and here are the last 2 shirts (the 3d I have on in the above picture):

20170226-trojor

Like I’m hitting a wall in high speed

I’m not really sure if this will be a long post or not. But I need to write it.

I have 20kg to lose (44lbs). Since I got medication for my thyroid, it hasn’t been too hard for me to lose weight. But now, since my POTS has gotten pretty bad, it’s getting harder and harder to lose it. I don’t know why. I have, however, heard that if you have POTS it will be a lot harder for your body to deal with fat and bad carbs/sugar. I can’t remember where I read it, so if any of you potsies have seen it too, or have read the opposite or anything, please let me know 🙂

True or not, I have to be so careful with what I eat, how much I eat, when I eat, if the food is warm or cold, what I’m going to do during the day etc.
Everything is about planning and thinking and always being 2 steps ahead.
You’d think that would make it easy to lose weight, but sadly, no. I’m really lonely in my POTS “situation” and I’m even more lonely in losing-weight-while-deaing-with-my-POTS-situation.

I can’t do everything I want in my daily life, I have t compromise. I can’t anything I want, healthy or not, I have to compromise. So often I feel like I have no control over my life and I just want things to be easier. Not Always, I’d settle for sometimes!

Imagine having to eat a certain way day after day after day. Finally it just gets too bad and I’m craving EVERYTHING. And I WILL eat things my POTS cant handle. I feel like I’m hiting a wall in high speed, my brain just goes “FOOOOOD!! Everything, anything, NOW!!” And even if it’s just once/week it will ruin so much for me. It has to be a TINY amount of whatever treat/sweet I feel like having. A whole meal of yummy can ruin an entire week of hard work and eating right.

I know, it sounds so weird. But that’s the way it is. I retain sooo much water sooo easily. I need my daily cardio (riding a stationary bike with support for my back/leaning way back), it’s the only thing that helps… I dont care what it takes from me, I’ll start again on the 6th. I have a long week ahead of me, lots to do at work and quite a few apointments afterwork, so I know my body will be way too overwhelmed then. I’ll go for short walk to “warm up” before the 6th.

Does anyone else struggle with these things? You know like”only” having POTS isn’t enough…
I will be taking photos of my food daily, all of it, and putting them all in to one picture and update here. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna warm up some food and I just rememberd I forgot to buy broccoli so I will have o get something else…. don’t know what…

The numbers will look a lot better then

Oh… my… sweet… someone…

I’ve been on about this for a while now, but I’ve gained lots of weight because of my poor health. I haven’t been able to do the cardio my cardiologist wants me to either = gaining weight faster!!
Every saturdy I get on the scale and I measure my waist and my tummy where I’m the biggest.
Today – oh sweet someone… I’ve been eating pretty well, a few treats, but NOT something that makes todays measurements logical… I don’t get it.
I’ve gaind 0,6kg (1lb) and over my tummy, where I’m the largest, I’ve added 7cm (3inches). That may not sound like much, but measure it on you to see how much that would add to your belly…

I am super careful with what I eat, since the wrong food will give me hell because of my POTS) and I have to get even more careful. After the 4 weeks I’ve been sick, I think my body is reacting to even more food.

What do I eat? Well… people in the fitness business would be kind of proud *insert emoji crying from laughter here*
No but seriously, protein (mostly chicken) and lots and lots of veggies. Once/week I have something I’ve been craving. This week it was chocolate. Swedish milk chocolate from Marabou is THE BEST! I’ve tried both english and american chocolate but, it was way too sweet for me 🙂
(In case you’ve missed it, I’m Swedish.)

So. Saturday. Weight. Measurments. Right… Today:
Weight – 86,2kg.
Waist – 85cm
Tummy – 107cm

20170225-sidan

That red on the side, that’s one of the places the holter was hooked up to. Guess what I’m allergic to? It was bleeding yesterday…

One week from today, I will update on this again. And the numbers will look a lot better then 🙂

10 minutes

Gaining weight and losing weight. Clothes that are too big and clothes that are too small.

Like I’ve said before, I’ve gained a lot of weight last year and then more this year while beeing sick. No fun. And I’ve needed to buy way too many shirts now.

That’s all in the past. I’ve started to focus on no and tomorrow. Every day can be gotten through with the 10-minutes-thinking (for me, try it if you’d like). When I get cravings for whatever unhealthy (if it’s not the one thing I’ve planned for the week) I tell myself that “I have to do this first, just 10 more minutes”. Then after 10 minutes I tell myself the same thing again. And again. And again. What “this” is, can be anything – something at work, the next chapter of a book, go through my closet – anything.

I decided to eat tomorrows chocolate today. Tomorrow will been  bunch of yummy and healthy food. Who can say no to that, right?

Tomorrow I will post where I am now, weight, waist etc. Then on every saturday, I will see what’s happened.

Today I made this for the next few days:

20170224-mat

I did good

I had 2 goals for today, buy lots of healthy food and buy a dress as my first weightloss goal.

First goal – I bought lots and lots of healthy food 🙂 So yay on me, I did good!
Second goal – turns out my boobies are too big for the dresses I like. But I found 2 t-shirts that I could not resist!! So they will be my first NSV.

trojor

I took of the holter today and my skin is really bad. Red, irritated and bleeding.. But it’s gone now, thank goodness 🙂 Now I just have to wait to see what they find.

My goals for tomorow:
– Go for a slow walk.
– Chocolate because it’s saturday.

Buy a dress

Guess what, today I won’t whine. Not even a little! So you can read on without any worries of that 😛

Yesterday I was just way too exhausted and tired too post anything, but here I am today 🙂

I need to get better at taking care of myself. There’s some food I just shouldn’t be eating, and I have to get moving again. I’m not sure where I will find the energy to do it, but…
Well, the food part is (almost) easy, it’s the get-your-ass-to-the-gym-part that’s difficult. I’ll make it. Somehow. I’m gonna talk to my cardiologist next friday and see what he says.

All of last year I gained way too much weight, and then more when I was home sick for 4 weeks. My back hurts. My hips hurt. Everything basically suck.
I’m going to focus on the food first.

So, my goal for tomorrow (besides getting home in one piece):
– Buy lots of healthy food when I go for my weekly shopping.
– Buy a dress to have waiting as my first NSV (non scale victory).

On to food

Day 5 with the holter and my skin wants to give up. But it’s almost over now 🙂

Today was all kinds of hell in another way. I Went to the dentist. I had to have a tooth fixed… Guess what I’m SUPER AFRAID of… yeah… So now I have to wait a few hours before I can eat anythng and I’m so hungry! But that’s ok, I’ve had an apple 😛

On to food. What’s on my plate these days:

kyckling-och-artor

kyckling-och-sparris

Aaand some of this:

marvelglas

I really love asparagus, throw them on the grill and it’s even better! Too bad it’s so expensive. But veggies in general are pretty nice sooo 🙂

I know, the post is kind of boring… but I can’t feel a part of my face, I’ve stressed my way to a horrible headache and I’m really hungry so I’m just gonna go on and sulk 😛