A birthday and an absolutely regular day

Hello you!

Today was physical therapy x2 again (every 2 days).
First the stationary bike for 30 minutes – goodness me how I was sweating!! My legs were shaking like mad after 🙂
I then continued with pt for my neck, shoulders and shoulderblades. My physical therapist also gave me a few things to do for my core. When I do these, I make my mom do them too! She’s with me at the gym a few times/week, and who doesn’t need a stronger core?

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I always make sure I’m alone when taking photos at the gym, I don’t want people to worry they might get caught on camera! (The second pair of shoes belong to my mom, so no worries 🙂 )

So yesterday was my birthday. I never have very high hopes for my birthdays, but yesterday was a new low… It was so bad… I was basically crying most of the day and I haven’t really stoped yet… But I’ll get through it, I do every year… It’s my own fault for getting so sad, I know better than getting my hopes up!

I made these babies for work an then took 2 with me to the train to Copenhagen.

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And lunch was fish and chips. I really wanted to eat at a specific Place, but they only served at the bar and my joints aren’t relly made for sitting like that 🙂
So off to Copenhagen Zoo and eat fish and chips at Konnild’s with a better view.

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And before you ask, I didn’t say no to veggies, fish and chips were on the childrens menu and there simply were no veggies. It was a HUGE portion, I couldn’t even eat all the chips! Then we shared a Fanta and I had a little mayo on the side. I don’t normaly eat Mayo so this was a bit odd, but I guess it was ok 🙂

Now, I’m gonna relax nd read and have my tiny bit of goodie – Kinder maxi!

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Physical therapy and baking

Hello you!

Today has been a really busy day. Well, my kind of “busy”, people with better health would probably call it an easy day 🙂

After work I went straight to the gym, physical therapy x2. Cardio on the stationary bike for 30 minutes, then pt for neck, shoulders, shoulderblades.

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I feel SO SEXY while doing cardio….

My heartrate was high today, as it always is when doing cardio, but it was a bit uncomfortable. At times my heart was beating in an odd way. Nothing happened andI’m used to i doing that, just not while doing cardio. It was a bit scary actually. I was very careful to listen to my body if I needed to stop early. 30 minutes today too 🙂
(I’m ALWAYS careful to listen to how my body respond to things since I do have healtissues.)

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It’s too bad the camera doesn’t capture the actual redness in my face, because that’s a sight 🙂

I’ve been baking today too. Tomorrow is my birthday and I will be taking a Lovely, chocolatey, thingy to work. I’ll be there for 2 hours, then I’m heading to Copenhagen.

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I’ll show it to you tomorrow 🙂

Cardio and abs

Hello you!

Today was cardio and abs, aaas you may have understood 😛

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I was waiting with my mom for her Zumba to start, then I went and did my thing.

Cardio – stationary bike for 30 minutes. I do intervals.
First, I put the effort level on 4 and pedal as fast as I can, then I change to 10 and pedal as fast as I can. On 4 I try to stay around 75rpm and on 10 I try to stay arund 55rpm. My PoTS really doesn’t like this, not one bit, but I push through. I need to think about every single thing that I do and eat, all day, every day for my PoTS to not take over my life (and it pretty much does anyway).

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Then abs, I did what my physical therapist has shown me, then I tried to do some sit-ups. Not all the way down to the floor, I can’t do that (yet?), but still good 🙂

And then, then I was sparkling 😛 And I have to say, I LOVE my hair when I’m sweating like crazy!!

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Now, this is how you look seeexy, yeah! No? Oh… crap… *insert crying-from-laughter emoji here*

Now I’m so exhausted I’m just gonna go to bed.

A plan to follow

I have a plan. A Schedule to keep to.

On january 16th, I will call the doctor to ask him to talk to the surgeons again. My neck, shoulders and upper back does NOT want to give me a break…. Constant pain and irritation.. I need a smaller chest! Before I can get help with that, I need to lose some weight.

So I’ve made a very strict schedule from now – january 15th. (Well, I’ve started it already, I’m just tightening it (and me) up a bit).

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Some Doctor Who in the background 🙂

It’s my birthday on wednesday, so no gym then, but lots of walking will be done. I’m gonna try to remember my Fitbit to see how many steps I put behind me. That would be fun to know 🙂

I will continue to do intervals on the stationary bike as cardio (aka physical therapy 1). I will the do strengthtraining for my neck, shoulders and shoulderblades (physical therapy 2) every other day. And then I will work more on strengthening my core.
As always, food is the most important thing! The right kind of food, at all times. On saturday I will have a treat. I will decide what when it’s time 🙂

I will be very careful to relax during all of this. I’ve been a bit bad with that lately.

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(Old picture, I have a tiiiny bit more hair now.)

I roll out my yogamat, have a seat, and breath. I close my Eyes and just breath. I just sit there for however long I can. Sometimes 10 minutes, sometimes 30 minutes.

My other way of relaxing is reading. I love to read. Getting lost in another world, another time.

Tomorrow I’ll be going for a walk and then I’m at it again 🙂

I fell… hard!

Hello you!

Today is a good day.
And today is a bad day.

I go to the store 3 times/week for work. I buy fruit and veggies and things for us (yes, free fruit and veggies every day). I walk the same way every time. Fruit and veggies – spices – cheese – dairy – coffee/tea – soap – register. I walk the same way every time. This way, I don’t have to pass all the sweets/candy and fall for the temptation.
Passing the sodas, that’s ok. It’s not that bad. When I stand in line to pay, I stand next to the really expensive chocolate. That’s ok too. I can eat at Subway for less money than one of those chocolatebars!

Now, there are two types of “going to the store” for me:
When I go to the store to buy food for myself, to bring home, it’s ok. The temptations are obviously the same, it’s the same store. But I don’t fall for them.
When I go to the store to buy food for work, goodness me… I fall so hard…

Why? I have no idea…

So what happened today? This!

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225g of delicious chocolate!!

These are Christmas for me. I’ve had it every Christmas since I was a kid. Then I stopped buying them a few years ago because it’s extremely expensive. I don’t even look for them anymore.

Now, every friday we have breakfast at work (for free). This week it will be a bit more luxorious 🙂 Smoothies, eggs etc.
Since I was gonna buy different things than usual, I decided to get all the heavy objects first – milk, peanutbutter (yes!), carton of eggs, cheese etc. So what did I do? I turned away from the fruit and crossed the section where the chocolate is. And what did they have? CHRISTMASCHOCOLATE!!! My weakness… I hurried away.
I got what I was supposed to, then headed back to get fruit, veggies and the rest. Aaaand I passed the Christmaschocolate again. By now I knew it was there. I could easily have gone the other way, but I didn’t. I’m gonna be honest with you, I was at he store at 12.00 and it is now 18.20 and I didn’t even think about going the other way til NOW!! Why not? I don’t know! I really don’t. All reasoning and logic just went POFF!

After I had gotten most of what I  was supposed to, I was gonna get the frozen berries. Meaning I HAD to pass the Christmaschocolate. No choice. As I did, I saw the note. THE note. 20sek. They usually cost about 28-30sek. Now it was 20. Aaand a coupon. With another 7sek off. So they only costed 13sek!!! 13, not 28-30!! I swear I don’t know what happened, my brain just turned off and I forgot the berries and left wih that Never Stop and 2 Snickers… 2 for 10sek. Instead of about 18sek.

I was SO dissapointed in myself… For a while. Then I thought “ok, instead of that, think about it as a an opportunity to learn” and I did. I know I have a weakness for Christmas. I didn’t realize it was this bad when it comes to the chocolate… But now I do! Next time I go to the store (because you know, it’s gonna be there until AT LEAST february!) I will know better. I will know to go the other way, to go the extra long way, and not fall for temptation!

It’s ok to fall. It’s ok and it’s human!

Now. There’s something else I need to talk about here too. My PoTS. Eating all that chocolate IS NOT GOOD when you have PoTS. Oh sweet someone I’m not well!! Like I said, it’s 18.20 here now and I might have to go to bed now. My body is just broken.. I can’t describe it in any other way at the moment.

I have gone through this post so many times now but there might still be spelling errors or gramatic errors that I’ve missed. My brain doesn’t really function – “brain fog”…

Always remember – one time of giving in/falling down doesn’t mean anything. One bad day out of 30 this month is 3,33% of this month! That’s pretty ok 🙂

Lets talk about weightloss

Hello you!

Weightloss is such a sensitive subject to lots of people. And no wonder. It doesn’t really matter how much we weigh these days, someone WILL tell us there’s something wrong with us. It doesn’t matter if you’re overweight, underweight or  bodybuilder, people will hate you and the way you look! Completey nuts…

I started out with a BMI of 14. I was completely healthy, I just didn’t gain weight. Doctors told me to eat chocolte and have lots of cream etc. And really, how many times do you need to tell the average teenager that? I stuffed myself. But I didn’t gain any weight. I was about 22 when I started to ut on a couple of kilos. The perfect amount at first, I had curves!! Unfortunately, it didn’t stop. I gained 100% of my weight! A while later it turned out my thyroid didn’t want to cooperate anymore. I was given medication and things started to get better.

I lost weht, I gained some, I lost some more and then it started to go really well. About 0,5kg – 1kg/week down, perfect!

Then late 2015/early 2016 I gained so much of it again. It was really devastating to me. And I was so stressed out (heartproblems that thankfully turned out to NOT be as bad as they first thought) that I couldn’t actually do anytihng about i. I sort of froze..

But I’m back on track and I have taken my first progress photo today. It’s not a big change, but that’s ok.

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I’ve got the same clothes on so it’s easier to see 🙂

I want to lose weight for a few reasons.
– I want to be able to buy any clothes I want.
– I want to ease the pain in my knees and lower back.
– I want to feel good.
– I want to look good (ok, great!9.

I eat healthy 6 days of the week and then add a treat on day 7. Because I have PoTS I have to be so, so carful about what I eat and how much I eat, and that makes this a lot easier.
I drink a lot of water, I really like water. I don’t mind that there’s no taste. A glass of ice cold water is just the best thing sometimes!

I go to the gym every day. Physical therapy as in cardio & physical therapy as in strengthtraining & then some “regular” weightlifting for the rest of my body.

It is hard, oh so hard! Being determined all day, every day. And every time you go to the store, you’re challenged. I don’t know about other countries, but in Sweden they obviously put ALL the sweets/candy right next o you as you’re in line to pay.. Even if you use the “self scanner” and check out on your own, you have to pass it.
And where’s the frozen veggies? Oh, next to the ice-ceam? Toiletpaper? Next to the sweets/candy. Books and magazines? Between sweets/candy and sodas. Ok, I’ll just have som sparkling water then. Next to the sodas, huh? Oh, and next to…. You know?

I’m thankful that my only problem is my weight, because honestly, I couldn’t take any more than that! It’s enough!e

But I can do it.
And YOU can do it!
We can do it together!

So far, I’m 2,4kg down 🙂

CHOCOLATE!!!

Hello you!

So yesterday I feel asleep on the sofa around 16.00 or so. I woke up somewhere around 18.00 and Went to bed then woke up at 7.30 this morning. So no, I wasn’t doing too well yesterday 🙂

But today is a new day! I’ve been feeling a bit better and I’m still awake 🙂 So, so tired, but that’s another story.

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Earlier today I had a salad with parmesan. Now I had this, yum!

But right now, there’s something even more important I hace to show you.
THIS:

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They have started to sell cholcolate calendars now! Wooo!!!!! I… er… couldn’t decide…. yeah…. (I believe this is where you’re supposed to write “LOL” 🙂 )

Are these a worldwide thing?

On to the next thing (even if I have nothing but chocolate on my brain now…).

I’m working really hard towards losing the extra weight I have (about 15kg), so to motivate me even more I’m gonna take more progressphotos. 2/month. Not too close so you can actually see the difference.
I’m gonna take a first progressphoto tomorrow and I will show you later, during the day.

Mental & physical wellness

Hello you!

I have a semibad headache today and I’m feeling ill so I decided to take it easy and hope it’s gone tomorrow.

Having a headache got me thinking about another thing to write about here. My eyelids.
To me, my eyelids are a source of mental pain. They make me feel sad and “less” than others. I use the muscles on the side o my head to “pull” my eylids up.
If I don’t I’m always told that I look sick or tired. And people always ask me if I should stay home because I’m obviously not well…  It’s even worse if I don’t use makeup.

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And as you can see, winged eyeliner isn’t the best thing for me, haha 🙂 I just painted it on so you can see the difference.

To me, this is incredibly painful. Both physical and mentally.
It hurts to pull my eyes up like that, the muscles that do it are always sore and are starting to hurt more and more.
And mentally it hurts too. I’m basically being told there’s somthing wrong with me all the time..

Wellness is more than just eating right and working out. It’s about feeling good about yourself too. I love myself. I just want to fix a few things so my body can feel better 🙂

“Fail to plan – plan to fail”

Hello you!

Yo know how you read “fail to plan, plan to fail” all over instagram and everything fitnessrelated? You get kind of tied with reading it eventually..

But for me it’s absolutely true. Either I plan or I fail.

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I’ve named my pen “the Dalekpen”, do you see it too?

I write my days down, food, workout, physical therapy etc. That way I don’t have to wake up in the morning, not knowing what to do. I take a look in the book and go do it.
(Don’t put anything wet on notebooks…)

Today is Sunday, so today I plan for the upcoming week.
I THINK I’ve decided what to eat all week, still a bit undecided on friday and the weekend, but It’s only 1pm so 🙂

Do you plan your weeks?

PoTS – getting diagnosed (it’s a bit long, this one)

Hello you!

All right. PoTS – Postural Ortostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. Ever heard of it before? If you have, you’re one of very few.
The short explanation is that your heartrate will go up (my highest recorded is 243bpm) and your bloodpressure will drop.
I’ve never met anyone with PoTS, only talked with a few people over Facebook.

Now, PoTS is a syndrome, very important. Not everyone is affected the same way. Some are just a tiny bit affected and some are stuck in bed for longer periods of time. This also mean some can continue with a normal life and others can’t. I’m one of the people that can’t.

There are so many different symptoms you can have with PoTS that it’s sometimes impossible to know exactly what’s going on.
My cardiologist has said the following:
50% of those who have it will get better within 5 years. 25% will stay the same. 25% will get worse. I’m part of the last 25%. Crap.. 🙂 I’ve had it since I was little.

As a pree teen I was tall and thin, meaning that is what the doctors blamed for me not eig well. I wasn’t very ill at this point. I kept falling back down when standing up, I couldn’t take the summerheat etc. It wasn’t good, but it wasn’t too bad either. During my teens it got worse and as an adult it was even worse.
My mother kept taking me to the doctor but they only said “she’s tall and thin, she’ll grow out of it”. When my mother couldn’t take me anymore, due to workhours, my (maternal) grandmother continued. But it was always the same – tall and thin. It got harder ad harder to go o school, but I managed to do it. University was out of the question 😦 My body couldn’t take it… I LOVE to study, I wanted, and still want, to study microbiology. You know, DNA and stuff 😛

I was born november -82 (16th to be exact, wee!) and it wasn’t until december 2011 a nurse started to ask question about my bloodpressure.
I was in the hospital after passing out at the store. My pulse had reached 192bpm and my bloodpressure dropped. The cashier called an ambulance.
First I was diagnosed with sinustachycardia. The day before I got to go hom, one of the nurses reacted to my bloodpressure. How I seemed to get worse when I stood up. She did  an ortostatic bloodpressure, meaning taking ma bloodpressure while on the bed, then sitting, then twice while standing.
She then told the doctor I needed to do a Tilt table test. Guess what, the doctor didn’t care!! I am not joking, she had to force him to do the paperwork for it!!
After that, he prescribed betblockers to me.
Betablockers is EXTREMELY BAD when you have low bloodpressure AND PoTS!! But since he didn’t believe the nurse he gave them to me anyway. About  minutes after the first pill, my bloodpressure dropped. They had to put me in a wheelchair to get me back to my room. The doctor still didn’t care!! He said it had nothing todo with the medication. The nurses just looked at him, like they couldn’t elieve him.

I was on this medication for 3 months and nothing worked. It was pure hell. My normal bloodpressure when sitting up goes between 100/60 – 105/65. If stressed, it’s 100/70. Now ad PoTS to that and it’s bad.

Finally, I got to do the Tilt table test.

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(I found this picture on myheart.net while googeling “tilt table test”)

I got hooked up to a machine that recorded both pulse and bloodpressure. Now, I passed out so my memory is a bit fuzzy 🙂 The most I can say is that it’s NOT a fun test to do when you actually have PoTS 🙂 I even got a dose of Nitroglycerin spray and… no… just… no…

This is when I found out that my betablockers were actually dangerous to me and that the first doctor should never have prescribed them to me.

I got new medication for my pulse, Procoralan. This one doesn’t make me go “weeee, POFF” 30 minutes after taking it 🙂 (I’m still on it.)

Since I, finally, got a diagnosis I’ve been able to do a lot of changes for the better in my life.
Now, it didn’t stop here. I got to learn a few things.

I’ve Always wondered why everyone can just stand in line to buy something, or just stand. Just stand, on the spot, ot moving, for a really long time. When I try it, my bloodpressure drops and if I don’t move I’ll pass out within 2-3 minutes. I can’t do it.
Oh, PoTS? This isn’t something we all live with? Who knew…
Other things I thought were normal for us all:
– That we all get really dizzy during summer and warm weather.
– Overheating.
– No vision (when bloodpressure drops).
– No hearing (when bloodpressure drops).
– Passing out after a shower. I have 2 bottles of water with me and need to get on the floor with my legs up after getting out. Sweating and shaking like I’ve run 10K.
– Probems eating.
– Headaches.
– Getting exhausted easily.
– Standing up = falling down.
– Chestpains.
– Being out of breath.
– Falling asleep after meals.
– Impossible to eat breakfast.

Those are only a very few things we all suffered from.

If you’re curious and want to know more or don’t understnd something (in all fairness, I’m very tired so I might have written a bit incoherent somewhere) just ask, I don’t mind 🙂

Oh, I almost forgot.
There is medication you can try, that raises your bloodpressure. Ive tried a few different but it didn’t end too well. I’m very sensitive to medications.
The only thing I can actually take is my nitroglycerin spray for the chestpains. I’ve been t the emergency room twice because they thought I’d had a heartattck. Pain spreding down my left arm and up to my jaw. Out of breath, couldn’t talk… But there are no hearattacks, only PoTS.

Gotta love it…