A boobjob?

Yes, soon enough!

I got my answer today; I need to lose (loose?) about 7 – 8 kilos (roughly 16 pounds) and then I will gethelp with a breastreduction. WEEE!!!

Now THAT’S damn good motivation for anyone! I’m so looking forward to it, my neck, my shoulders and my back are hurting. I NEED this!

Anyway…

Today is Halloween and obviously I needed to dress up as something or someone. I decided on Amy Pond from The Impossible Astronaut.
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I added the scarf just to make i extra obvious that it was from Doctor Who, but nada… nothing… I need ore geeks at the office. I wonder if I can ask HR to add “must be a huge nerd/geek” to list of qualities we need when hiring?
(There’s a tiny, tiny, tiny hint of red in my hair, soooo… I didn’t want to dye it 🙂 )

I’m sitting here trying to plan my workouts for the upcoming days/weeks. Trying to decide what to do when etc. I need to be extra, super, mega strict with my food (and that’s brilliant for my PoTS too, so win-win!)

I added some more tallymarks later, and gave my little baby at work a nice pat on the back ❤
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And then there’s my litte ghost.
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An average day

The way PoTS affect me, doesn’t have to be how it affect the next person, or the next, or the next. It’s very individual. But here’s a bit of my day:

When I wakeup, it takes my body at least 30 minutes of “getting rady” before I can get up and do all he things we humans do in the morning.
But I don’t have any breakfast. I never do. If I do, I’ll fall asleep within 20 minutes. If I can even eat more than 2 or 3 bites of whatever. Doesn’t matter what I eat, my body/PoTS can’t manage food of any kind in the morning.

I wake up around 7.30 (on my own, no alarm). Get up between 8.00 – 8.20. Then I drink cold water and do all those morning things we do 🙂
I move kind of slowly in the morning, so everything takes extra time. I don’t stand up at all. Seriously, I sit on my bed while brushing my teeth! If I stand up doing it, my bloodpressure will drop and I will pass out. Not a fun way to start the day!

I have to have my clothes and what make up I will wear ready because my brain doesn’t really work yet – “brain fog”. If I don’t have it ready, I’ll just stand there, looking, not really understanding I need to pic something.

While waiting for the bus, I pace back and forth, or shift my bodyweight from one fot to the other. Mostly a combination of both. I really need to have my bottle of water with me too since I still don’t really feel too good.
If I’m lucky, there’s no heating on in the bus and the 10 minute trip will be ok. If there’s heating on it will be hell. I don’t do well when it’s warm. And if the bus is full, no seats? Then I jut have to pass and hope forbetter luck next time. Why? Because I can’t stand up for more than roughy a minute before my bloodpressure says bye-bye and I pass out. And in a warm bus with lots of people? I won’t make it for even a minute.
Sometimes I need to sit down at the busstop after getting off it because I’m so exhausted. I drink more water, if there’s any left that is.

When I finally get to work, I’m so tired… And mind you, it’s only been about 20 – 25 minutes since I left home!!

I sit down at my desk, sometimes I panic a bit if I can’t get my jacket off, since I get so warm and risk passing out. Before I do anything else, I check my e-mail, that way my body gets a tiny chance to calm down.

Then I work for 4 hours. Maybe I can manage to eat half an apple. MAYBE! There more I do, the less I’m able to eat. Chewing is like running a Marathon. 5 bites in an I’m done. Just DONE! So needles to say, I don’t at anything at work. No lunch, nothing.

I leave work around 13.00 – 13.20. That’s still early so having lunch then isn’t too bad.
Wrong… I still can’t have any… I need my physical therapy 4 times/week and I need to do cardio daily (doctors orders). If I eat before I do any of that, I will fall asleep within 30 minutes. I will be alseep for  1 – 2 hours and then it will take my body between 30 minutes – 1 hour to “snap back” and function properly.

So I’m at the gym around 13.30 (it’s that close to work) and I’m there for about 1 – 2 hours depending on if I need to do physical therapy that day or not.
Now, cardio… my cardio is a stationary bik with backsupport. This is the only type of bike I can use, unless I want my bloodpressure to drop too much and make me pass out. I don’t go nearly as hard as others (healthy people) do, but it is nothng short of HELL for me!!
When I’m finally done, it’s somewhere around 15.00 and now it’s time to shower. Have I told you what it’s like to take a shower when you have PoTS? Basically, you don’t want to. At all. Ever. NEVER!!! I’ts like running 10k without stopping. Heartrate goes up, sweating, shaking, dizzyness, almost falling over. Now, the shower at the gym is beter han the one at home because it’s a much bigger space sp there’s more air.
But after the shower, I still sit by m locker, shaking, sweating, drinking ice cold water, tring to breath normally, waiting for my heartrate to go down so I can get dressed. It’s almost different how long that takes.

So around 16.30 I can have my first meal of he day. Yeah… and that meal is a salad. And not a very big one these days. my body doesn’t respond well to eating these days and I need to fight so damn hard to get by. Thankfully, I’m used to this by now.

After I’ve eaten, I fall asleep. Since it’s only a small salad, I sleep for 30 minutes – 1 hour. So at 18.00 I an do something again. Something that isn’t too exhausting.

However. Let’s not forgetthat this is hell. Not just needing to do all that workout that’s absolutely horrible in every possible way.
No, I need to go to bed around 20.00 – 20.30 if I’m going to be able to get up the next day to do it all again.

This is no life.
That’s why I’m so happy I have my books and Netflix. And that I live kind of close to the library (I need to relax sooo bad on weekends!!!) and can sit there for a while…

This has been a VERY short and none detailed story of my Days. If you’re curious about anything, feel free to ask 🙂

Now it’s 20.05 here in Malmö (Malmoe), Sweden on a saturday night and as usual, I’m sitting here, at home. And since it’s saturday, I can go crazy and stay up until 21.00!! Wo-fucking-hoo, right?

PoTS and everyday life

I will be writing a better explanation about PoTS and what it’s like to live and functuon with it tomorrow. How it affects my daily life, my energylevel, my sleep, my excercise etc.

All will be written from MY life and how I have it. Some have it better, some have it worse. It can be extremely different from one person to the next!

It is currently 19.59 and I am going to bed. I am absolutely exhausted. From eating! I’ve already slept for an hour and can hardly sit up so tired/exhausted I am. (This has to do with my PoTS and will be explained better tomorrow.)

I wish you all a good night!

💖

After sickness there’s health?

Sadly, I only mean that after fever, there is no fever 🙂

I’ve been home with a fever since tuesday and I’m finally doing better and can go back to work tomorrow. The problem with a fever when you have PoTS – is you have PoTS. The two doesn’t really go well together.

While being home and keeping the sofa company, I’ve eaten whatever I wanted to. I let go of the strict diet I need to stick to and just had what ever I felt like. My body is NOT happy with me now…
Tomorrow, or rather now, it’s back to normal again! I have my notebook next to me and I think the week that’s coming will go great… NOT! Why? Here’s why:

For the next few months, probably for the rest of the year, it will be hell. I’m not even joking! I mean HEEEELL!!
When you have PoTS, there are certain things you can do to help yourself. What these hings are depend on you and how bad your PoTS is!
Now, I work 50% – 4 hours/day and 5 days/week. And you know what – it’s hard! It’s really, really hard! I have to plan EVERYTHING. Every hour of every day!
I’m not saying it isn’t worth it, it is, very much so! But it’s exhausting. However, this is what I have to do to help my body, and to help my PoTS, and to be able to work those 4 hours a day!

So I plan my days. I go to bed at a certain time, even if I’m free the next day. I only eat certain things and avoid lots of food (that I love) and I only eat at specific times. I do some form of cardio every day and my strength training is currently taken care of at physical therapy. When that is over, I need to keep going at my regular gym.
I also need to plan my free time. What days can I meet other people to do something? When can I go shoping? How many hours do I have each day to do something? Etc.

When I plan everything, I know that I’m giving my body the best chances to cope. And belive me, it needs to cope with a lot of crap…
This way of living is still new to me. And it will take some time fo me to start feeling ok with it. Some people have said it took about 3 months of pure hell before their PoTS started to accept the changes. And well, I’m in hell. So I’m hoping it will take about 3 months for me too 🙂

My days

I’m at it at the gym again. I’m doing eberything my doctor tells me and I’m doing everything I can to help my PoTS.
And it’s hell.. My PoTS is NOT happy. But hey – doctor’s orders!
Thank goodness what I do is FUN, hard as h**l but I love working out so I try to focus on that while trying not to fall over (no seriously, my PoTS is trying to make me pass out, but so far I’ve managed to win over it).

I’m doing some form of cardio every day… I try to do as much of it as possible as group classes, because if something should happen, I know that there’s someone there that can help me. Otherwise, I go as early in the day as possible, like right after work. there’s always someone there then.

I’m eating so good, I’m telling you, it can’t get any healthier or… or more boring… there’s a lot of veggies. And salads. So, so many salads. I’m sick of it already, but if I want my PoTS to let me be able to work, I have no choice! Potatoes and pasta is for the evening (on very good days) or Friday/Saturday night – but only if I know I won’t be doing ANYTHING afterwards. I love potatoes and fresh pasta!!

And I’m also sick of making plans. Plans for every day, almost every hour.. But soon enough it will become paart of life and I will be so used to it that I don’t think about it anymore, I know that. I just have to get used to things 🙂

Last week I could feel my body saying stop, I need to rest! So I took Friday off and went to Copenhagen Zoo to really calm my body down.

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Going… going… almost gone!

I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do now. Eating right, going to the gym (btw, KMN!) and I’m very strict when it comes to not only eating healthy, but eating what my PoTS is ok with!
I am in fr a rough few months now… But it’s ok, I have to do it.

I don’t think I’ve ever even seen as much sweat as left my body today… And thank goodness my bloodpressure only “warned” me and I didn’t pass out, because there were a few close calls. I felt them coming and got down on my knees (during yoga), had some water and when I could, I got back up and continued.

Today I figured that the cardio I need to do should be done before yoga. And I managed it! I did exactly what I planned to do!! My body was a mess afterwards, but I had about 30 minutes to rest Before yoga.

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For obvious reasons, this is the only photo you’ll get from the lockerroom 🙂

Here’s the food I’ve been eating a lot of lately:

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Pasta is mostly for later in the day or days when I know I’m staying in as my PoTS isn’t as fond od it as I am 🙂